i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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