Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
