tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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