He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
