Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
