So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
