im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just had sex on a roof
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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