Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
