On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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