Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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