Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
