If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
