I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
