I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
