I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
