I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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