Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
