you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
