The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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