I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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