I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
