you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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