Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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