how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
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