she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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