Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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