We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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