I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
