Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
