my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
