I puked a lego.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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