that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
