We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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