chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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