throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize