I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
