porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize