I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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