dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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