haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
