Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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