Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
