spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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