I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
