I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
