U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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