So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
