Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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