Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
