I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
