just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
