Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
