3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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