Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
