I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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