I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
