You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
