Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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