Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize