You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
