My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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