Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
