I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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