the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
