never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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