I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
