i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
