you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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