I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
