I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
