she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize