So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
