Jerry, you need to find god
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize