I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
