Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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