FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
