You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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