Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
nutella sex= disaster
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
last night I used snow as a chaser
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