If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize