No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
