8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
