youre lurking in front of me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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