God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
