he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
