I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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