She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
