Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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