OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
