Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
