how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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