So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize